Tuesday, 20 January 2009

Death in the family

I had 6 goldfish this time last week, but sadly, lost one of the little slippery critters in the past few days.

He / she (i have no idea how you can tell, i don't want to look for little fishy pee-pee sticks.  gross) developed a swollen tummy, I am now reliably informed, partly from feeding at the surface and gulping in too much air and partly from poor tank hygene (oops).

However, the trauma of discovering the little golden floater paled into insignificance when I returned home to the distressing scene to find that sweetheart had been in for more than 45 minutes watching the tele DIRECTLY ABOVE THE FISH TANK and not noticed.

*deep troubled sigh*

This is the SECOND goldfish misdemeanor.  The first made angry for weeks.  When I first got the fish (my own stupid pet owning zeal.  I agreed to the task of taking them before researching how ridiculous they are to house.  I got the frigging fish for free, but had to spend about £150 on the tank and all the mo fo accessories), I had 6 little zippy baby ones and inherited Big Boy, a SEVEN YEAR OLD big bastard about the size of my hand.  Big Boy had been my company goldfish for those seven years and had survived tank moves, bad fish husbandy from a series of bored and testy PR Assistants who had only just graduated and wanted to be talking to national journalists and celebrities, not cleaning up fish shit.  Anyhoot.  So I get him home, in the new tank and everything's dandy.

Then sweetheart wants to install V+.  Not a problem, he'll even get time off work to meet the  (he won't take any time off to do anything important, oh no, but if we need all 2million sky sports channels, then show him the holiday form and he'll sign his bloody life away - anyway I digress...)  So, sweethart gets his V+ installed.  

That night, the tank starts looking a bit manky - but I'm home from work late (quelle surprise) and knackered so promise the fish I'll sort them out the next night.  Next night rolls around, I get home and the tank is pretty much all bright green and BIG BOY IS STIFF AS A BOARD AT THE BOTTOM OF THE TANK! Terrible scenes. He's a big fish, it's VILE.


Even worse, he GETS IN A MASSIVE MOOD WHEN I FREAK OUT AND START RESCUING THE OTHER FISHIES from the green mire because I'm getting in the way of Manchester United.

Even, even worse, when I start cleaning the tank out.  I realise THAT SWEETHART HAD UNPLGGED THE FUCKING FILTER TO PLUG IN HIS V+ .

Jesus wept, dear reader.  It was a tense night in the love nest, I can tell you.  Sweetheart it still paying for it as his office is near an aquarium shop, so everytime I need anything new, it's his job to go to the aquarium shop to find it and pay for it.  Even so, he got off pretty lightly for cold blooded selfish MURDER.

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