I've only gone and done it again. I know, I know, I'm a pretty dreadful blogger. It's fortunate no one reads me, otherwise you'd be so disappointed in me.
So to cover the last seven months in hopefully pithy and amusing style, there follows three posts outlining some stand-out moments: Good, Bad and Ugly...
Where do I start? Just where do I start - so much has been jolly good / awesome / funny / totes amaze (delete pop references as appropriate):
- We moved house! We now own a pink house at the top of Hanover that we're slowly redecorating. Being a home owner again is brilliant. It means if I want wallpaper from some ridiculously arrogant Shoreditch 'designer' featuring illustrated woodland creatures smoking pipes and drinking cocktails, I can! And I do! And it's so expensive just thinking about it has given me a nose bleed!
- We've been married a year! Being married is ace. We've only had one argument in the whole year (his fault, obvs). I like to think it's because we sit down and work out our problems in an adult and mature manner - although in reality it's because neither of us can be arsed to put up a fuss about stuff now we're in it for the long haul. Arguing's such a waste of time when you can spend your energy laughing at your husbands trumps and rolling your eyes at each other and making faces behind the backs of people when they claim that "marriage isn't for them". Ha! whateves - loveless LOSERS"
- I am 37. Yes 37. Contrary to what you'd think. Being old is actually pretty amazeballs. Firstly, people might think you're a twat for saying things like 'amazeballs' but if they're younger, they're too embarrassed and slightly intimidated to point it out to your face. Secondly, you are now authorised by law to spend up to £50 on moisturiser. Thirdly, you know enough about yourself to be confident in your own skin and appreciate your own strengths and weaknesses. Fourthly, you pretty much don't give a shit what people think of you any more; which, after a lifetime of being ginger, overweight "with a great personality" (or as a family member once coined me "The spit of her father. Who is a man of course") is pretty revolutionary. However, it does mean that if you express an interest in any of the members of One Direction, people get a bit twitchy. Although I don't think there's a law against having them a screensaver....
- Tat officially looks like and acts like Karl Pilkington, which by default means that I also find Karl Pilkington unbelievably attractive and frankly downright sexy. It was OK when KP was on the radio and no one really knew who he was and people noticing the similarities to Tat were occasional and passing. But NOW, he's been on the tele loads, I'm actually faced with a thinner version of my husband complaining about all the things he usually does, moaning about just wanting a sit down and a packet of crisps - but not only on the settee beside me (usually picking his nose) but also ON THE BLEEDIN' 42 INCH PLASMA TELE! If it wasn't so unsettling, I could put the surround sound on and have an orgy (*reaches for parental control button on blog settings*)
If this year has been so good, just think about 2012 - it's going to be OLYMPIC!
(see what I did there)