back on weight watchers - 18 points a day

Oh good grief

I'm only a bloody stone heavier than I want to be.  How did that happen? Literally ALL I've been eating is choclit and cheese - I mean that's protein and sugar - no carbs OR ANYTHING!

But anyhoot.  Breakfast has been toast without butter and jam.  4 points.

I have 14 points left for the rest of the day.  Even the wet catfood pouches are looking tasty already.

parents down for weekend

We had the first set of parents down last weekend. Mine. So a real baptism of fire. Happily we were all drunk for about 50% of it, but these were the moments of note:

• Mum's barely concealed delight at spotting the naturist beach and an elderly penis on the walk to the Marina
• Dad getting cross because he couldn't work the new mobile handset Tat had given to mum
• Me and Dad getting sunburnt - the ginger force was strong in our house last weekend
• Mum loudly talking about being able to see the sea when she was sitting on the toilet when the windows were open and the neighbours were outside
• Mum nearly walking into a wall when she saw Chris Eubank
• Mum getting cross when she found out we hadn't told her that David Walliams was having lunch in the same place as us (see mums reaction above for reason why we kept that one quiet)
• Mum getting confused with the fact our bedroom is down stairs and repeatedly walking in the wrong direction to go to the kitchen
• Dad getting cross when restaurants gave us bread at the beginning of the meal "I haven't asked for it, so I'm not paying for it"

Can't imagine how fun packed Christmas will be!

my sitting room looks like the Odeon

So we have a bigger sitting room since we moved. But not so big that I don't notice when sweetheart "smuggles" in new giant surround sound speakers. At the moment we have a 42 inch TV (which he isn't happy with any more and wants a projector - WHAT?!?) and 3 massive speakers around it that don't even fit on the TV cabinet thing.

Sadly it's now his responsibility to find a new piece of furniture to house everything, so I'm going to be staring at it for years to come

*sigh*

power plate action

Spurred on by the thought of going on an expensive holiday this year (big up the house sale - watch my profit turn to nothing as I squander it on global warming long haul flights and on shoes)... I've upped the anti (i wish it was auntie - imagine how hilarious "upping up your auntie would be) and as well as the gym, I'm also now doing power plates with one of the girls at work.

GOOD LORD.

Dear reader, if you have enjoyed some power plate action yourself in the past you'll know just how bonkers it is.

You basically stand on a huge vibrating metal plate and do half an hour of your normal exercises - dips, press ups, leg stretches, etc. 25 mins of power plating is the equivalent of an hour of weights. Sounds too good to be true until you've try and walk quickly back to the office afterwards to find that your internal organs have turned to jelly and all of your previously underused muscle groups are freaking out and shaking.

They are berillinat though. Have just been to gym today and after 2 PP sessions, I can run faster and further and have upped my weights on the machines.

Awesome. I'm going to be like a size zero batman. Lush.

my new 'personal trainer'...

.... well I say personal trainer.  i get three free sessions with Toby thrown in with my new gym membership.

So anyhoot - I've got my second session tomorrow and I'm only half looking forward to it.  Last time was an hilarious.  I've never done weights before and I was shown how to do all the arms ones, including dips and chin ups.  I was given a little sheet of my workout on it, but when I had to go an do my own circuit, I got all confused and flustered and forgot which section was which.  

Basically, I thought I had to do 150 chin ups at twice my bodyweight.  I got to 35, practically WEEPING.  My arms had turned to jelly and I had to be helped off the machine by a sneering muscle mary.  I sat on my own in a corner for a little while then wobbled into Toby's office trying not to look like a massive loser who couldn't event lift a tea cup without complaining.  

Turns out, I'm supposed to only do about 20, lifing my own body weight and now I've got to lay off the weights tomorrow incase I've ripped something (my right arm still hurts 7 days later).

What a DICK.

settling in by the sea side

As well as joining a new gym, when one moves house, a lady has to try and find a plethora of new establishments to help her stay the ravages of time.

Being ginger (or strawberry blonde, depending on how grumpy I'm feeling) i have a variety of ridiculous practises that i indulge in to try and make myself feel better.  The mojority of them involve factor 50 and a yashmack when sunbathing, but every 5 weeks, I enjoy painting my eyes with peroxide and hair dye in the name of tinting my eye lashes and eye brows.

Believe me, it's worth it, I have naturally white eyelashes and eyebrows and I actually look like Boris Becker (but chubbier and more rubbish at poker and tennis) without the burning (no really, its like effectively pouring burning acid in your eyes) effort of it all.  

So off I go at the weekend to try and find a lovely place for my eye replenishing.  I find a lovely smelling, relaxing, lovely, friendly place and ask for a menu of treatment delights.  I stick it in my bag and wander off, happy that I have found my new sanctury from a busy week at work and nagging Sweetheart.  

However, dear reader, what's a girl to do when she gets home to find that her new sanctury, haven and place of indulgent is endorsed by...

HEATHER MILLS

"I HAVE TRAVELLED ALL OVER THE WORLD.." says wor Heather "AND NEVER HAD A BETTER MASSAGE AND FACIAL..."

oh dear :(

it looks like an amazing place, but how can I relax when I am going to be on tenter hooks listening for the sinister tap, tap, tap of a Mills on her hoppity adventures?

Danny Wallace

um, I had a dream that TV funny man and comedic author, Danny Wallace, asked me out the other night

AWESOME.

The fact that he is (very probably - how would i know, he's a total stranger?!?) happily married, I am too old to have stupid dreams like this and I didn't think I even fancied Danny Wallace, seem to have not mattered.

The only thing that does matter is that now Sweetheart does anything I don't like, I say.. "Danny wouldn't do this..."

mwa ha ha!