Renewed efforts to lose a stone

Right. This is it. The last year I get wingey about being a stone over weight.

I've got an appointment with the fitness instructor tomorrow at 10am to get a new regime that tackles the saddle bags and the bingo wings.

I caught sight of myself out shopping last weekend and fair enough, I had a raging hangover, so my powers of deduction weren't as sharp as usual, but I swear to god, my upper arm was sagging over the top of my elbow when my arm was bent straight. I have the arms of a 50 year old. And not a Madonna 50 yr old with muscles (and probably a penis), but the arms of a 50 year old dinner lady. Most probably the one who got sacked from my middle school for stealing toilet paper by smuggling it out of the school, wrapped round her legs like old lady bandages under her tights.

Sweet Jesus, aging is a cruel mistress. Not only has my metabolism slowed down, it's practically going backwards. I spent the last few months training for another half marathon and admitedly, my fondness for 'carb loading' starting including less than wholesome items like entire buckets of haagen daas Baileys. But I was running a minimum of 24 miles a week and I wasn't losing any weight.

Don't even let me get started on my saddlebags. It's like I'm permanently wearing several pairs of those cyclist shorts with the padded arses and thighs. I'm like an inverted Chris Hoy. It's a wonder I haven't sponteneously combusted with all the friction my running must cause.

If I could just wire my big fat greedy mouth shut, this would be all so easy.

Getting Married

Well it's a funny old business getting married isn't it?

You have this image of looking blissful and slender, wafting about in something fabulous, while your fatter and spottier friends hover around the edges of your peripheral vision, murmering their admiration about how spectacular the whole day is and how radiant you look.

Well, the reality is very different.

You spend about a year and a not such a small fortune ordering stuff like bunting, fairy cakes and ribbon. Agonise over the guest list and arguments about reception drinks and the fact you can't stop thinking you're going to fall over in your wedding high heels. Then the day goes by in a complete blur and you can't remember any of it apart from the chronic indigestion and the fact you fell over drunk in front of your mum.

My wedding rings are nice though!

And the honeymoon to Brazil was awesome!

Been a while...

So I haven't updated this bad boy for a year. I've did this year's half marathon a couple of months ago and realised my last post had been amazed that I got round in one piece after the 2010 one!

In the past 12 months a lot has happened:

• I done and got myself a new job
• I done and got myself married
• Me and my new husband are buying a new house
• I have become obsessed with the following tele programmes:

1. True Blood
2. Glee
3. The only way is Essex
4. Peter Andre - the Next Chapter

• I haven't lost any weight

Run, Forest, Run

Well bugger me, if I didn't just go and run the Brighton Half Marathon a month ago!

I am most definately built for comfort not speed, so it was nothing but a sporting miracle that I managed to do the training, let alone get round the course on the day.

I'm a human, chubby, bi-ped and ginger version of 'wacky races'.

I have developed a perverse love of running tho. It's bizarrely cleansing. and i LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the waving!

There are a collection of moves I employ when I'm out and about:

• The grim smile (dispatched when running up a steep hill at sympathetic runner coming back the other way)
• The cheery smile (most popular runners greeting)
• The simple hand raise (usually unleashed at runners of the opposite sex, so you can't be accused of trying to flirt with them by smiling when sweating)
• The open mouthed smile and double eyebrow raise (employed at pairs of female runners older than yourself as greeting and physical exclamation of us hilariously "being too old for this!")
• The double eyebrow raise and eyeball roll (used in foul weather conditions as if to communicate "gosh aren't we bonkers!" to other stupid idiots out in the pissing rain)

I have committed to three others to raise money for Haiti.

And if I hadn't discovered 'carb loading', I would have been expected to have been a size 8 by the wedding. But sadly, my greedy little monkey paws can't stop reaching into the bread bin.

Cheating on Weight Watchers with Slimming World

Who would have thought it, I've turned to red/green side.

I did it because it was right next to work and they had a big banner outside and it was in a church and I wanted to see if Jesus would help make me thin.

Would Jesus turn my lard into evian? He bloody hasn't - the big resurrected meanie.

Anyway, the eating plan has been a REVELATION. It takes a while to get your head around it, but it's a godsend for the greedy.

On a green day, you can literally eat pasta and rice ALL DAY and it's all allowed. It's just too exciting to go through all the details now, but if you do it right, you can lose 3 - 4 lbs a week and KEEP IT OFF. I tell you it was like an episode of Majorie Dawes and Fight Fighters in there. All of us gagging for a Toblerone, but making do with a Total 0% yoghurt.

Anyhoot, needless to say, with my flibberdegibbet attitude, I lasted about 4 weeks. I have lost weight, but that's down to the running.

And it feels very odd talking about Slimming World as I'm sat here in front of the tele with a mug of full fat Horlicks, burping up the four rounds of peanut butter on toast I had for tea "because I wasn't really hungry".

If I was in the film 7 with Brad Pitt, I would be the gluttony murder victim.

I'm back!

Hello dear reader.

Oh my, has it really been eight months since my last post?

I have become as lazy as my darling fiance... oh, yes, dear reader, in those eight months, the following things have happened:

• We went on am amazing holiday to Bali
• ...where we got engaged
• I ran a half marathon (and committed to four more, like a blithering idiot)
• I cheated on Weight Watchers with Slimming World
• I went for the 70's Fleetwood Mac look for Sian's wedding, accessorised with heaps of bangles and silver gladiator sandals

So the proposal:

Who'd have thought it, but I'm a traditionalist at heart.

Sweetheart saved it all up for the second last day and asked me under a full Bali moon on our private beach after a candle lit private meal in our Villa!

He had the ring in his shorts pocket for 2 weeks before the big night and chose very well indeed.

Not so well that I can't blow a couple of monkey's on the wedding ring though (heh heh!).....

We spent al the next day playing in the pool and planning the music and wedding cakes.

Actually one of the happiest days of my life so far.

*wipes away emotional tear*

Then I got home and started a wedding scrapbook.

I am bridezilla. hear me roar! well... get sniffy about the pantone reference of icing sugar...

I'm back